Christmas is not my time

Here is a poem for you all...

Some wounds never heal 

They remain forever fresh

Even as the world is merry

As the time is to smile

You enjoy each moment

You don't think of pain

You become merry

While I sit lonely

Reminiscing my loss

Knowing I'm a nobody

As I see the lights

That are on my street

They mean nothing to me

I feel nothing as I stand

Infront of them stagnant

As I watch the smiles

Around the table

I force out a smile 

The pain strikes my heart

Why do I still feel this?

The pain that never goes

I force on the act

And pretend I am happy

As conversations flow

I keep thinking 

This time last year

My heart was broken

Shattered by losing you

How can I feel the same

If even a year gone by

You can't be with me

You still can't see I'm hurt

But I should've moved on

Just like you did

But I did no wrong 

You did the wrong 

I will have to wait

For this saying to be true

What goes around...

Comes back around

I sit back and smile

Knowing God owes me

He has to give me back

What was mine 

While I'm still alone

I declare this to Him

Christmas is not my time.

I wish you all a happy christmas and my best wishes to you, your family and friends.

Rahul N. Singh

White paper - coloured crayons

At home is where I analyse myself beyond my persona. What I see in the mirror is a man on the path of self-destruction.

When we look in the mirror what do we see? What do we analyse? How do we analyse? What questions pop up in our head? Do we find the answers straight away? If we get the answers, are we ready to change? So many questions but one question rules them all...are we going to lead to our own destruction or do we make ourselves stronger?


This quote that I have posted is something that I created. I had been at home for a few days and I had realised that it is here, when it is quiet, when I am with myself, when I go away from my work is when I realise something. I realise that I am someone beyond just the 'Rahul' I see in the mirror and what my close friends and family see.


I have always maintained that if I didn't have a strong persona, I would have given up on life. I can't even describe my persona, it is something that I cannot comprehend. The reason for that is I know myself too well. I know that it is the smiles on other people's faces that makes me stronger. Feeling the happiness of people around me gives me strength. Feeling the energy of goodwill also increases my faith and determination to do exceedingly well in life.


However, the dark side of the personality is when I look at the personal happiness in my life. Which I do find to be very little, as I still have not understood if I am happy when others are happy or if I am happy when I am happy. I still not have understood that. I know inside the pain that I have felt from other people, slowly destroys what made 'Rahul' - the man behind the persona. Before 'Rahul' used to be part of the persona but now it feels that I have my persona on a rent basis.


I am sure some of you are finding this hard to understand. It is like the sun trying to understand the moon. They have never met but somehow they have a connection within the universe. The same way 'Rahul' has not met with his persona but somehow there is a connection. I sometimes wonder if I am the only person like this but I do believe every true artist is like the way I am. There is the persona and then there is the artist. The artist is like a white piece of paper whilst the persona is the coloured crayons that draw up a magnificent picture, which makes us who we are.


So saying this, I am hoping I have made what I wanted to say a little clearer. I believe that me as a person is waiting for something to come along and take me away. However, the artist - the writer is waiting to give the world a lot of love and happiness. These are two opposites and only one is going to win. I know that if I have strength in my love...then one day I will meet with my persona again and I will end up owning it. Otherwise if I do not get my love...I will lose myself and become the persona completely.


Rahul N Singh

Poem - Craters of the moon!

Today I want to share yet another silly poem I made up. I didn't feel like being serious. However, not everything that is serious is a masterpiece!


My friend gave this buzzing glass
I ended up dancing on the crisp grass
I was told to take it a little slow slow
I philosophised I had to begin to sow

I began sowing my seed of a buoyant life
Damn! Where is the need to have a wife?
Oh Great Lord, I'm loving this new beat
Movement blessed with the sun's blazing heat

My friend says this land is not mine
So I began to recite some poetry lines
All around us stopped as she walked by
Lord, why can't this love be a little lie?

She smiled at my silly little antics
I became love's new and biggest fanatic
I started shouting, singing, dancing to my tune
As I saw her face on the craters of the moon.

Rahul N Singh

Unwanted Pregnancies

I bet you must be thinking what has he got to say about this. However, do not be surprised as my short film script that I am currently writing is dealing with this.

I was thinking a great deal amount what topic I should talk about. I have always stayed with romantic stories and I decided there was going to be no way that my first shot film script will go away from that. Although, I personally am not a huge fan of romantic stories but I do love writing them.

This film that is currently in pre-production deals with unwanted pregnances in british-asian households. The failure of men being responsible for their actions and some women going through the birth and not taking up the option of abortion.

The subject is a sensitive one as I do not want to hurt any sentiments but I want to have a lot of issues raised and sorted out in the 10 mins. Whether it is possible God knows but I know that some issues need to be raised. The great thing is that there is a possibility that there could be a sequal to it. 

The creative process is rather special. As I had planned this, I knew it would be something new for me, something different for me. Something that will show that it is all about the script. Visually it should be grand. However, with creativity there is boundaries.

One of the boundaries is cost. My producer told me straight up, I want it low budget. I agreed straight away because I knew I could create a low budget film with real location. But I had one issue...I wanted it for us British Asians. I wanted us to create awareness. So I said I will deal with the cast myself and choose the actors. This should be rather interesting and I hope my producer likes my script. It may be complete by the end of this week.

Anyway, I am going to sign off but I am hoping for all the best. The plan is to take it to film festivals if possible. I will keep you all posted.

Rahul

The light of the lamp...

I never wanted to let you go

However I remained in this pain

What is it that I'm hurt about?

Is it because I'm lonely without you?

Even if I count all the stars at night

I end up relating all the stars to your beauty

My mind lights up with thoughts of you

Yet it cries because you never came back to me

The silence that lies in my huge smile

Lies a deeply hurt and dark lonely man

Who knows how I continue to live like this

But my heart is cutting itself into pieces

Tears that are flowing from my eyes

They never stop but only continue

Deep in my eyes where the ocean resides

Where storms of pain create tsunamis within

Nobody understands this pain I feel

Everyone tells me to forget and move on

If your really want me to move on

Take me to a place where she doesn't exist

As I light this lamp of fire without you

I don't understand one important thing

Am I lighting up my own funeral pyre?

Or am I dreaming of my own death?

Rahul N. Singh