Christmas is not my time

Here is a poem for you all...

Some wounds never heal 

They remain forever fresh

Even as the world is merry

As the time is to smile

You enjoy each moment

You don't think of pain

You become merry

While I sit lonely

Reminiscing my loss

Knowing I'm a nobody

As I see the lights

That are on my street

They mean nothing to me

I feel nothing as I stand

Infront of them stagnant

As I watch the smiles

Around the table

I force out a smile 

The pain strikes my heart

Why do I still feel this?

The pain that never goes

I force on the act

And pretend I am happy

As conversations flow

I keep thinking 

This time last year

My heart was broken

Shattered by losing you

How can I feel the same

If even a year gone by

You can't be with me

You still can't see I'm hurt

But I should've moved on

Just like you did

But I did no wrong 

You did the wrong 

I will have to wait

For this saying to be true

What goes around...

Comes back around

I sit back and smile

Knowing God owes me

He has to give me back

What was mine 

While I'm still alone

I declare this to Him

Christmas is not my time.

I wish you all a happy christmas and my best wishes to you, your family and friends.

Rahul N. Singh

White paper - coloured crayons

At home is where I analyse myself beyond my persona. What I see in the mirror is a man on the path of self-destruction.

When we look in the mirror what do we see? What do we analyse? How do we analyse? What questions pop up in our head? Do we find the answers straight away? If we get the answers, are we ready to change? So many questions but one question rules them all...are we going to lead to our own destruction or do we make ourselves stronger?


This quote that I have posted is something that I created. I had been at home for a few days and I had realised that it is here, when it is quiet, when I am with myself, when I go away from my work is when I realise something. I realise that I am someone beyond just the 'Rahul' I see in the mirror and what my close friends and family see.


I have always maintained that if I didn't have a strong persona, I would have given up on life. I can't even describe my persona, it is something that I cannot comprehend. The reason for that is I know myself too well. I know that it is the smiles on other people's faces that makes me stronger. Feeling the happiness of people around me gives me strength. Feeling the energy of goodwill also increases my faith and determination to do exceedingly well in life.


However, the dark side of the personality is when I look at the personal happiness in my life. Which I do find to be very little, as I still have not understood if I am happy when others are happy or if I am happy when I am happy. I still not have understood that. I know inside the pain that I have felt from other people, slowly destroys what made 'Rahul' - the man behind the persona. Before 'Rahul' used to be part of the persona but now it feels that I have my persona on a rent basis.


I am sure some of you are finding this hard to understand. It is like the sun trying to understand the moon. They have never met but somehow they have a connection within the universe. The same way 'Rahul' has not met with his persona but somehow there is a connection. I sometimes wonder if I am the only person like this but I do believe every true artist is like the way I am. There is the persona and then there is the artist. The artist is like a white piece of paper whilst the persona is the coloured crayons that draw up a magnificent picture, which makes us who we are.


So saying this, I am hoping I have made what I wanted to say a little clearer. I believe that me as a person is waiting for something to come along and take me away. However, the artist - the writer is waiting to give the world a lot of love and happiness. These are two opposites and only one is going to win. I know that if I have strength in my love...then one day I will meet with my persona again and I will end up owning it. Otherwise if I do not get my love...I will lose myself and become the persona completely.


Rahul N Singh

Poem - Craters of the moon!

Today I want to share yet another silly poem I made up. I didn't feel like being serious. However, not everything that is serious is a masterpiece!


My friend gave this buzzing glass
I ended up dancing on the crisp grass
I was told to take it a little slow slow
I philosophised I had to begin to sow

I began sowing my seed of a buoyant life
Damn! Where is the need to have a wife?
Oh Great Lord, I'm loving this new beat
Movement blessed with the sun's blazing heat

My friend says this land is not mine
So I began to recite some poetry lines
All around us stopped as she walked by
Lord, why can't this love be a little lie?

She smiled at my silly little antics
I became love's new and biggest fanatic
I started shouting, singing, dancing to my tune
As I saw her face on the craters of the moon.

Rahul N Singh

Unwanted Pregnancies

I bet you must be thinking what has he got to say about this. However, do not be surprised as my short film script that I am currently writing is dealing with this.

I was thinking a great deal amount what topic I should talk about. I have always stayed with romantic stories and I decided there was going to be no way that my first shot film script will go away from that. Although, I personally am not a huge fan of romantic stories but I do love writing them.

This film that is currently in pre-production deals with unwanted pregnances in british-asian households. The failure of men being responsible for their actions and some women going through the birth and not taking up the option of abortion.

The subject is a sensitive one as I do not want to hurt any sentiments but I want to have a lot of issues raised and sorted out in the 10 mins. Whether it is possible God knows but I know that some issues need to be raised. The great thing is that there is a possibility that there could be a sequal to it. 

The creative process is rather special. As I had planned this, I knew it would be something new for me, something different for me. Something that will show that it is all about the script. Visually it should be grand. However, with creativity there is boundaries.

One of the boundaries is cost. My producer told me straight up, I want it low budget. I agreed straight away because I knew I could create a low budget film with real location. But I had one issue...I wanted it for us British Asians. I wanted us to create awareness. So I said I will deal with the cast myself and choose the actors. This should be rather interesting and I hope my producer likes my script. It may be complete by the end of this week.

Anyway, I am going to sign off but I am hoping for all the best. The plan is to take it to film festivals if possible. I will keep you all posted.

Rahul

The light of the lamp...

I never wanted to let you go

However I remained in this pain

What is it that I'm hurt about?

Is it because I'm lonely without you?

Even if I count all the stars at night

I end up relating all the stars to your beauty

My mind lights up with thoughts of you

Yet it cries because you never came back to me

The silence that lies in my huge smile

Lies a deeply hurt and dark lonely man

Who knows how I continue to live like this

But my heart is cutting itself into pieces

Tears that are flowing from my eyes

They never stop but only continue

Deep in my eyes where the ocean resides

Where storms of pain create tsunamis within

Nobody understands this pain I feel

Everyone tells me to forget and move on

If your really want me to move on

Take me to a place where she doesn't exist

As I light this lamp of fire without you

I don't understand one important thing

Am I lighting up my own funeral pyre?

Or am I dreaming of my own death?

Rahul N. Singh

Poem - My Best Friend

My Best Friend

My Best Friend
Of my soul
Never separate
Always together

I miss you so much
Every moment of mine is yours
From where did it all begin
To the time it had to end

I never forgot you
I can't live without you
Nobody understands this depth
Of our special friendship

My tears of laughter late at night
Talking for all hours to no end
Our night becoming day
Our day becoming night

This beautiful bond we had
We were in a land of freedom
Fear of our possible continuous fights
Our friendship took an unfortunate turn

The time we stopped talking
My life has never been the same
I don't know how to say this
But I still do love you

Our exchanges may be seperated
But my soul is attached to you
To see your special smile again
I could die to become your star

I could never see past myself
This is all my fault right now
But in your constant rememberance
I now cry alone in the silent night

I may not be able to call you
We may not be friends now
I will always be there for you
My love for you remains true

My Best Friend
Of my soul
Never separate
Always together

Rahul N. Singh 

Time moves forward but we stay backwards.

'I tried to reconnect with you, but you rejected the call. Now I am moving forward, there's no way I'm staying backwards!' 


I wrote this on my Facebook earlier. I had a little time to think what keeps us back? Why do we stop ourselves from moving forward? Here are the few questions that spring to mind. Do we feel that people will stop loving us? Do we feel that we will lose the ability to love? Do we feel that there is danger if we move forward? If we move forward will we regret it later and see it as a mistake?

If anyone wants to add any, please do. I will try and answer them. 

Do we feel that people will stop loving us? 

First of all, forget that people even love you! Hard to do?! It sure is! But we might aswell accept it. With the feeling that no one loves you, eventually you will begin to feel comfortable with yourself. You will begin to love yourself. This is a fundamental thing. Feel alone and you will never become alone. You are wondering what that means? The fact is the more we associate to an energy of nothingness, will we feel there is a strong presence. Not just any presence...but a strong energy. Some may call it God...I call it Rahul. You will call it by your name. A bit controversial? No! Self-realisation is God-realisation. So for five minutes, just think of nothing. Nothing at all. Even stop thinking that you are thinking about nothing. Eventually, that is the only love you need. The love for your self! 

Do we feel that we will lose the ability to love? 

Never! This is one of the tricks our minds play on us! If you become love, you cannot lose love. Love becomes every part of what you do. Even when you do not forgive, that will be seen as love. However, you cannot call every negative action or thought to be love. It has to have reason and logic. When you have understood love, it is very unlikely that you will lose it. I don't believe you can stop loving. It is like a disease, once you have one cell of love in your body, it travels everywhere...spreading to every part of your body. Simply, even when you do that excercise of thinking about nothing...you can never lose the ability to love.  

Do we feel there is danger if we move forward? 

Fear! Fear is what kills everyone including the living. In fact, the living are dead although they are living. Fear is something that consumes us so much that we don't move anywhere. We stand still, allowing the world to rush past us and wake up finding we have missed so much. The fear of entering the unknown is always present if you feel it is unknown. Nothing in life is unknown, we just never try to find out for ourselves. We depend on others to instruct us. By the time you have been given the instructions, you have wasted time! You lose the whole process of gaining the instructions yourself. It is such a beautiful feeling! You will never feel there is danger as long as you remove the feeling of the 'Unknown'! 

If we move forward will we regret it later and see it as a mistake? 

This depends on what deeds we have. Are they bad or good? It depends. Moving forward is quite a complex but simple thing to do. If we move forward without hurting others in the process then we will not regret it or see it as a mistake. If you have lost something in moving forward, most likely your road will only be a road of destruction. Yes, sometimes we move forward for the right thing, some people don't understand, it could be due to their ignorance. However, if they are not ignorant and you are losing their support then wake up! You will regret what you have done eventually and you will beat yourself for making the mistake. You cannot expect your loved ones to support you if you are in the wrong. You would not support your loved ones if they are in the wrong. It's simple as that. Yes, I openly admit that I do not support those that are doing wrong. If you lose any relationship you have with me, consider you will regret it and it will be or is a mistake right now. This does mean that in a way it makes me ignorant but I stand by what I believe in! I know what I do will not hurt others...my silence will hurt them! By having clear intentions, by being honest and moving forward, you will not regret it. If for once, you was dishonest, you changed your justifications then consider you have made the mistake! 

Rahul N. Singh

My Spiritual Journey

Here is a poem I wrote today...it is a rather spiritual one. I hope you like it.

Continuous prayers of devotion,
My sins are washed away.
Visiting your temples, people sin
Even there, how do I let You in?

I chant aggressively on Your Name
At home, I find a restless peace.
My mind says it is not right,
It says I must explore to find You.

I travel to the mountains,
Searching aimlessly for Your Divinity.
I pray in front of colourful idols,
But still something is missing.

Even the idols speak to me
They say, 'find the Ultimate Shiva!'
Where do I go to sip the Divine Nectar?
These material benefits have no means
I want to know who I truly am?

Where does my soul truly belong?
I came to this Earth with nothing,
I'm told I'll leave with nothing
So what is my worth, what do I take?

I met a Saint one day, His glow
Radiated who I was in an instant.
What I was, is what I am now.
What I am now is who I'll be after.

I came from the energy of this Universe
And I will immerse into the Universal Energy.
Practices of doctrine and austerity mean nothing,
As I meditate each day upon Your Name.

I humbly sip the Divine Nectar,
From the All-pervading Universe.

Thank you for reading

Rahul N. Singh

Poem - Colours

Here is a little poem/lyrics I wrote...it's something 'brainless' but I do like it. It's not meant to be taken seriously! Enjoy...

Colours in the air

I'm lovin this parade

Life of ours has many...

Colours flowin freely

Your scarf that I grab

My foot soundin tap tap

For you I drag my heart

Your eyes a golden art

Even that special glitter

On your body shimmers

Rubbing against mine

Intoxicatin like wine

The flesh of our soft lips

Touchin your red lipstick

As we close our embrace

Every colour shows its grace

Hope you liked it!

Greatness cannot exist with jealousy...

'Great people never say they are great; they know it, they feel great.'

 

This is something we can all relate to. What is greatness? Is there a definition? Forget the dictionary...think for yourself. What does it mean to you?

 

I was told to think about what greatness means to me...It has no definition. It is something you feel, something you know that exists. It's this power that is able to make that person reach somewhere...a place where not many people will understand.

 

I have noticed that most great people, if not all, were all misunderstood. Why were they misunderstood? Some committed crimes that can never be forgiven but some did things for humanity. They strived for peace and unity. Yet, they are or were misunderstood. Does this happen due to our own definition of greatness?

 

The main reason why I never gave an 'official' definition of the word is because the word itself is not objective...it is subjective. It means different things to different people. I find Mahatma Gandhi to be a great individual but that does not mean others will. I find him great because I feel his greatness. His words speak of his persona. This is only one example of the many great individuals that have blessed this earth.

 

There is the common human being on the street that is great. Have you ever walked past someone and thought...'they are great'? They haven't got a sign saying they are great. You just feel it by their mere presence. That is what I'm on about. It is the energy they give out to the world around them.

 

However, there is one thing that does not see greatness. That is jealousy. When you know someone is great, there is something that is inside some of us, that wants to bring other people down. We want to degrade people. We want to see them suffer. We tell others that there are better people out there than the greats. Jealousy does not promote greatness, it creates tension. It creates doubts that end up breaking relationships. 

This is not a platform for me to say who is great or what is great. It is about clearing your mind of all those barriers and thinking with a clear vision. A vision for only seeing one thing. The day you can see greatness, even in your enemy is the day you become great. 

 

Will we ever see a world full of great people? No, the straight answer is no! Why? Jealousy. It will continue to consume us and our egos. However, great people will always stand above those jealous hypocrites. Great people always win at the end. Let's hope we realise who they are before they leave this world.

Rahul N. Singh