White paper - coloured crayons

At home is where I analyse myself beyond my persona. What I see in the mirror is a man on the path of self-destruction.

When we look in the mirror what do we see? What do we analyse? How do we analyse? What questions pop up in our head? Do we find the answers straight away? If we get the answers, are we ready to change? So many questions but one question rules them all...are we going to lead to our own destruction or do we make ourselves stronger?


This quote that I have posted is something that I created. I had been at home for a few days and I had realised that it is here, when it is quiet, when I am with myself, when I go away from my work is when I realise something. I realise that I am someone beyond just the 'Rahul' I see in the mirror and what my close friends and family see.


I have always maintained that if I didn't have a strong persona, I would have given up on life. I can't even describe my persona, it is something that I cannot comprehend. The reason for that is I know myself too well. I know that it is the smiles on other people's faces that makes me stronger. Feeling the happiness of people around me gives me strength. Feeling the energy of goodwill also increases my faith and determination to do exceedingly well in life.


However, the dark side of the personality is when I look at the personal happiness in my life. Which I do find to be very little, as I still have not understood if I am happy when others are happy or if I am happy when I am happy. I still not have understood that. I know inside the pain that I have felt from other people, slowly destroys what made 'Rahul' - the man behind the persona. Before 'Rahul' used to be part of the persona but now it feels that I have my persona on a rent basis.


I am sure some of you are finding this hard to understand. It is like the sun trying to understand the moon. They have never met but somehow they have a connection within the universe. The same way 'Rahul' has not met with his persona but somehow there is a connection. I sometimes wonder if I am the only person like this but I do believe every true artist is like the way I am. There is the persona and then there is the artist. The artist is like a white piece of paper whilst the persona is the coloured crayons that draw up a magnificent picture, which makes us who we are.


So saying this, I am hoping I have made what I wanted to say a little clearer. I believe that me as a person is waiting for something to come along and take me away. However, the artist - the writer is waiting to give the world a lot of love and happiness. These are two opposites and only one is going to win. I know that if I have strength in my love...then one day I will meet with my persona again and I will end up owning it. Otherwise if I do not get my love...I will lose myself and become the persona completely.


Rahul N Singh